Questions of the Heart
by Amanda Berendt
Copyright 2001

This is my first try at fan fic - be kind.
This story came to be because whenever I'd hear these two songs, I'd think of Nick and
Natalie.  So instead of it continually bugging me, I decided to put it down into words and
get it out of my head.  :)  I hope you like it.

Thanks to Carla Martinek (and her sister Karen) for helping me with the French part.
Thanks to Robin O'Neill and Maria Simon for reading it first.

****These characters to not belong to me.  They are the property of Sony Entertainment,
 et al.  I am just borrowing them for a short time.

Permission is given to post on (or whatever the equivialant is now)
If anyone else wants to post it, please ask.  Permission will be given, but I would just like
 to know where my story is.

Two songs are represented here.  Both can be found on Michael Ball's CD "First Love"
 Copyright 1995. Cony Music Entertainment (UK).

"Walk Away" (Black/Jurgens) GEMA/Ardmore and Beechwood Ltd.
"If You Go Away (Ne Me Quitte Pas)" (Brel/McKeun) Intersong Music Ltd./Sabam SC

Send all comments, criticism, money, etc. to:


 It had been a long night.  Too long.  He had almost lost Natalie.  Sighing, Nick
took off his jacket and draped it on one of the chairs surrounding the dining room table.
 Picking up the universal remote, he lowered the shades and moved toward the kitchen.
 He took a glass from the cabinet and a green bottle from the refrigerator.  Sitting on the
 couch, Nick poured the dark liquid into the glass and stared into its depths.  He leaned
 back, used the remote to turn on the stereo, and let his mind drift into itself.

 Walk away, please go
 Before you throw your life away
 A life that I could share for just a day
 We should have met some years ago...

 Nick's thoughts turned to Natalie.  That first night, when he had sat up in the
 morgue, he changed her life forever.  But was his presence making her life harder than it
 should be?  He thought back to when they believed he'd been cured.  Natalie's discovery
 of the litoveuterine had allowed the two of them to have that short time as just a man and
 a woman.  It didn't last...  If only they could have known each other long ago - before....
 Things between them could have been different.

 Walk away and live
 A life that's full, with no regrets
 Don't look back at me
 Just try to forget....

 Maybe Natalie's life would be better.... easier if she didn't have to deal with his
 condition.  He should never have involved her.  Because of him, her life was in constant
 danger from the community.  Nick's mind drifted to an idea he'd had several times -
 leave... Eliminate this obstacle from her life... The idea was as fleeting as it always was
 - he knew he couldn't go.

 I'm sad that I
 After searching so long
 Knew I loved you...

 He did.... He loved Natalie, but what could he do?  She was human, he wasn't.
 This thing that he was came between them.  Perhaps Janette was right - if he took this life
 seriously, he would get hurt.  Nick remembered his conversation with Lacroix regarding
 Fleur.  Was leaving really the truest form of love?  No, he could never leave Natalie.
 Glancing at the clock, Nick decided against calling Nat to see how she was doing.
 Smiling for the first time since he returned home, Nick picked up his phone and dialed...


 It was almost noon when Natalie Lambert woke up.  She slipped out of bed and
 headed toward the kitchen, still in her pajamas, with a meowing Sidney close at her heels.
 "Sorry I didn't feed you last night, buddy."  she apologized with a sigh.  "Too
 many things on my mind.  It won't happen again." She filled his bowl and set it on the
 floor.   Reaching over to turn on the coffee maker, she heard a knock at the door.
 Wondering who could possibly be at her door in the middle of the day, Natalie
 stepped over the still eating Sidney and hurried to the door.  She opened the door and
 there stood a delivery man with a large oblong box in his arms.
 "Natalie Lambert?"
 "Please sign at number 36." He said handing her a clipboard.  She did so and
 handed the board back to the man.  In return, he placed the box in her arms and turned to
 walk away.
 "Wait!" she called to him. "There's no sender."
 "Sorry ma'am." came the reply. "If it isn't on the package, I can't give out that
 information. Maybe you have a secret admirer."  The last part was said with a sly grin.
 Natalie moved back into her apartment and closed the door.  Great, just what I
 need.....a secret admirer.  She brought the box into the living room and sat down on the
 couch, setting the box on the coffee table.  Upon examining it closer, the only markings
 on it were her name and address.  She took a deep breath and began to untie the simple
 white string holding the box closed, then lifted the lid.
 She gasped.  Inside the box lay the most beautiful white flowers she had ever seen.
 The stems were dark green which made the petals of the flowers seem to glow pure
 white.  These flowers did not look native to Toronto.
 Nestled within the bouquet was a cream colored card.  She slipped it out of the
 envelope to see that the only decoration was some kind of crest.  Turing it over she
 smiled when she saw Nick's handwriting.

"Il faut oublier tout peut s'oublier.  Qui s'enfuit deja oublier le
temps, des malentendeus. Et le temps perdu a savoir comment
oublier ces heurs?  Qui tuaient parfois a coups de pourquoi?  Le
coeurs du bonheur, ne me quitte pas.

Moi je t'offrirai des perles de pluie.  Venues de pays ou il ne pleut
pas.  He creuserai la terre jusqu'apres ma mort.  Pour couvrir ton
corps d'or et de lumiere.  Je ferai in domaine ou l'amour sera roi.
Ou tu seras reine.  Ne me quitte pas." *

 That was it, no English.
 Having to rely on her memory of high school French class for translation, Natalie
 read the passage again.  She knew she missed some parts, but she got most of it.  The
 words...his words... were so beautiful and passionate.
 She looked down at the white flowers still lying in the box.  A peace offering,
 she thought.  As the meaning behind the gift sunk in, she realized why she couldn't stay
 angry at Nick forever.  Everything he did, whether she agreed with it or not, was because
 he loved and cared for her.  He continually refused to bring her across because he loved
 her.  She - what she was - was what he was striving to be.
 Natalie looked down at the flowers and again at the card in her hand and wondered
 if Nick would ever be able to admit to his true feelings beyond just sending gifts.
 Someday, she thought and smiled.


* Translation:
  "We have to forget - everything can be forgotten.  We have to forget the time, time that
 flies by, when we did not understand each other.  We have to forget  those hours which
 why's kill the heart of happiness.  Do not leave me.
I will offer you pearls of rain coming from a place where it does not rain.  I will dig the
 earth after I died to have your body covered with gold and light.  I will make a country
 where love will be king, and where you will be queen.  Do not leave me."

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